Learning to Live With Uncertainty

Our realtor in New Orleans sent us updated pictures of our house yesterday. It's being completely renovated, so seeing the progress made since we were there in March was really exciting--and a bit sobering.

It really hit home yesterday: We are moving. In six weeks. Halfway across the country.

And while this is such an amazing change, and I can't wait to get started on the next stage in our lives, I'm having to deal with a degree of uncertainty that I haven't had in a while:

• We can't just pop over to see how the house is coming along; we have to have complete faith in people we only met for a few hours to create a wonderful place for us to live. 

• Home insurance is drastically different in New Orleans than Nebraska (ya know, floods and hurricanes and things). 

• I still don't have a job. I don't know if I want to continue teaching or branch out into something new, so I'm applying for a lot of different things. I would like to have something in place before we move, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. (*cue mild anxiety*)

• We have three dogs and a cat. How on earth are we going to get them all down there with minimum stress on all of us?!?

• We have to find a vet, doctors, dentists, etc., etc. . . . 

• I'm sure I can come up with more. . .just give me time. . .

Luckily, we know the New Orleans area, and we have some dear friends there who can help us once we get down there. That makes this easier than if we were moving to, I don't know, the Philippines. (Right, Mom and Dad?)

In the midst of all this uncertainty is a quote by Paulo Coelho that keeps reminding me why we are doing this:

I've got this. 

Rabbit Hole #11: Liar, Temptress, Solider, Spy by Karen Abbott

I finished this book last week for one of my book clubs. It was a fascinating read, chronicling the lives of four women, two Union supporters and two Confederate, who risked everything to help their side during the Civil War. The title is a little misleading, as it makes it sound as if one title would fit a single woman, but all four women worked as spies at different times during the war, all were liars after a fashion, and two definitely were temptresses (although they used their feminine "charm" to seduce men to uncover important secrets). 

I realized that my own upbringing and prejudices about the Civil War influenced which women I was rooting for. The Confederate women grated on my nerves: their thoughts about Lincoln, the emancipation of slaves, their thoughts on black people in general just made me not like them and actually hope that they would fail. That being said, I couldn't help but admire their ingenuity and desire to do whatever it took to help the South win the war, even at great personal risk. 

My favorite was Emma Edmonds (aka Frank Thompson), who lived her life as a man to escape a horrific home life, and then used that persona to join the Union Army. She was a medic, a nurse, a spy, and much more during her tenure. Her struggle to keep her identity secret, and her decision to reveal it to two different men during the war, was both heartbreaking and inspiring. 

My biggest regret with this book, however, is that it focused solely on white women's contributions to the war. Even though Abbott mentions Elizabeth Van Lew's servant, Mary Ann, who became a spy in the Confederate White House, she's only a mention, when, in fact, if it hadn't been for her, most of the Union's intelligence wouldn't have been gathered. I would have liked to have seen at least one of the sections focus on a woman of color. There were many risking their lives on a daily basis to help insure the success of the Union; it's a shame they weren't given more consideration. 

That being said, I highly recommend this book to any history buff, anyone interested in women's history or women's rights, or anyone who just likes a good spy story--there's plenty for everyone!

Hey, America? I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of seeing strong, intelligent women being lam-blasted on social media when they speak out against misogyny and other forms of discrimination. That these attacks devolve so quickly into rape and death threats is shocking, and the fact that so many people shrug them off as "just words" proves how far we still have to go to treat women as equals in this country.

I'm tired of men sitting in positions of power dictating--STILL--what women can and cannot do with their reproductive health. 

I'm tired of becoming numb to the number of shootings in our country. There are approximately 200 shootings in the United States each day (including non-fatal incidents and suicides). We barely react. But 17 people are killed over a cartoon in another country, and it obsesses our nation for weeks. 

I'm tired of reading about young, unarmed black men being killed by those who are supposed to bring people to justice. White men can go on killing sprees, including killing police officers, and be brought in--living--to face their day in court. Black men (and women) don't usually have that luxury. And now, the FBI is investigating a death in Mississippi--a black man found hanging from a tree. We seem to have rewound the clock to the 1950s, and it's terrifying. As a white woman, it's terrifying. As a black person today, I can't even imagine.  

I'm tired of people assuming those receiving types government assistance are lazy, good for nothing bums who just need to get a job, when so many of those needing assistance are members of our military or people who are working two and three jobs with families and STILL can't make ends meet because minimum wage is a joke. 

I'm tired of Christians introducing hateful, discriminatory laws toward LGBTQ individuals that are beginning to hearken back to Jim Crow-like ideology. I don't care if you say it's for "religious" reasons: if you say you refuse service to someone because of who they are, and you want to post signs saying you won't serve a certain type of person, you're a bigot. The Bible was used to enforce and justify slavery and Jim Crow and the subjugation of women as well.

And, yes, I know...

#notallcops

#notallmen

#notallgunowners

#notallwhitepeople

#notallChristians

Et cetera, et cetera. 

But if even one person in a group is committing these types of discrimination and hatred, the rest of the group has a responsibility to step up and change things. 

I'm tired of a lot of other things--too many to count, really. Being tired doesn't mean stop fighting, though; it just means there's still work to be done, by all of us. Because if we truly believe in American values, we need to start acting like it. 

Rabbit Hole #10: Read Harder Challenge 2015 Update--March

Continuing through the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge 2015...

I just realized I have only nine more categories to complete! And it's only March!! What is really enlightening about this challenge is to realize I do read rather widely, and topics that I thought would be a challenge (audiobooks, for example) are much easier than I had anticipated. 

Here's my list so far:  

(The first book in each category that I've read is in blue; the second in each is in red. I'm finding that it's pretty easy to have multiple books in most of the categories. And of course, some of my books would obviously fit in more than one category, but I'm only listing them once.)

A book written by someone when they were under 25:

A book written by someone when they were over the age of 65:

A collection of short stories:

A book published by an indie press: The Salt Roads by Nalo Hopkinson (Open Roads Media Sci-Fi and Fantasy)

A book by or about someone who identifies as LGBTQ: We the Animals by Justin Torres

A book by someone of a different gender than you: Shooting Victoria: Madness, Mayhem, and the Rebirth of the British Monarchy by Paul Thomas Murphy

A book that takes place in Asia: The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri

A book by an author from Africa:

A book by or about someone from an indigenous culture: The Bone People by Keri Hulme

A microhistory: Desire and Disaster in New Orleans: Tourism, Race and Historical Memory by Lynnell L. Thomas

A YA novel: Paper Towns by John Green

A sci-fi novel: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

A romance novel:

A National Book Award, Man Booker Prize or Pulitzer from last decade:

A book that is a retelling of a classic story: Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi (retelling of Snow White); The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman (The Jungle Book)

An audiobook: Voices and Poetry of Ireland (a collection)

A collection of poetry: Once by Alice Walker

A book that someone else recommended to you: Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint by Nadia Bolz-Weber

A book originally published in another language:

A graphic novel, memoir or collection of comics: Captain Marvel, Vol. 1 by Kelly Sue Deconnick; Sandman, Vol. 1 by Neil Gaiman

A guilty pleasure:

A book published before 1850:

A book published this year: The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins (Jan. 2015 release date)

A self-improvement book: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Rabbit Hole #9: See Now Then by Jamaica Kincaid

I just finished reading Jamaica Kincaid's novella, See Now Then. Although it's only 182 pages, this book is grand in its scope.

The story is centered around Mrs. Sweet, an immigrant from the Caribbean. Her life is told through multiple perspectives--through her own thoughts, and those of Mr. Sweet and their two children, Heracles and Persephone. Throughout the story we learn of a woman's desire to be true to herself--a self that's been lost over the years as she struggled to adapt to a new country and new roles.

Kincaid's work reminds me of Virginia Woolf's later works, especially in her use of stream-of-consciousness, so if you like a linear narrative, this is not the book for you. Because it's told through memories, the Now and the Then of the title, Kincaid's characters weave their stories into one another, often overlapping narratives, sometimes repeating events, and jumping time periods. This book requires concentration, but as the strands of the family begin to fray, the tragedy of Mrs. Sweet's life comes through. Her children both love and despise her, her husband hates her with a passion, and her only sources of refuge, her tiny writing room off the kitchen and her garden, are targets for ridicule for the family. She has found her "room of one's own," but it causes as much pain as it brings relief.

As I said, this can be a challenging read, but Kincaid's character development and use of mythology make it worth the journey.

"Ch-ch-changes..."

March has been a crazy one so far. Not counting the weather that can't seem to make up its mind (it's 87 as I write this; tomorrow's high is 55), there are big changes to our life here in Nebraska.

As a lot of you already know: We're moving. To New Orleans.

Sorry, had to be done. (At least I spared you the audio!)

This has been a dream of ours for several years now, and things have finally fallen into place. Now, it's house-hunting, packing, finishing out the school year, figuring out how to transport four furbabies. . . the list goes on and on. All by the end of May. Hopefully.

 (You never realize how many books you own until you start packing. . . sigh.)

But for all the difficulties change brings, it's exciting. I am looking forward to living some place that is completely different than Nebraska, having new experiences, and cultivating a new life (going to Saints games in the Superdome!! Don't worry, Husker fans--I won't defect to the SEC!).

Ask my mom: I've had wanderlust since high school. It's time for me to take this plunge.

I hear too many people saying to me, "Oh, I wish I could do that" or  "When I'm retired. . .". The fact is that you never know what the next day is going to bring. Yes, this move is scary (I still don't have a job). Yes, we're moving halfway across the country. However, if you wait to live out your dreams, you may never have the opportunity.

"What if you hate it?" is a question people have been asking, and it's a valid one. We've been going to New Orleans for twenty years on vacation--what if living there isn't what we hoped?

We move on to another adventure.

Rabbit Hole #8: Read Harder Challenge 2015 Update--February

I'm really enjoying my journey through the 2015 Read Harder challenge by Book Riot.  As I look at my TBR pile and my to-buy lists, I think I may actually go through some of these categories more than once this year--which is exciting! 

Here's my list so far:  (ones finished in blue)

A book written by someone when they were under 25:

A book written by someone when they were over the age of 65:

A collection of short stories:

A book published by an indie press:

A book by or about someone who identifies as LGBTQ:

A book by someone of a different gender than you: Shooting Victoria: Madness, Mayhem, and the Rebirth of the British Monarchy by Paul Thomas Murphy

A book that takes place in Asia: The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri

A book by an author from Africa:

A book by or about someone from an indigenous culture: The Bone People by Keri Hulme

A microhistory: Desire and Disaster in New Orleans: Tourism, Race and Historical Memory by Lynnell L. Thomas

A YA novel: Paper Towns by John Green

A sci-fi novel: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

A romance novel:

A National Book Award, Man Booker Prize or Pulitzer from last decade:

A book that is a retelling of a classic story: Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi (retelling of Snow White)

An audiobook:

A collection of poetry: Once by Alice Walker

A book that someone else recommended to you: Pastrix: The Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint by Nadia Bolz-Weber

A book originally published in another language:

A graphic novel, memoir or collection of comics: Captain Marvel, Vol. 1 by Kelly Sue Deconnick

A guilty pleasure:

A book published before 1850:

A book published this year:

A self-improvement book: