Cowardice

It took
a
long
time
to find my voice.

For years, I listened
to people who
ignored
dismissed
ridiculed
the things I said,
the things I held dear.

Shuttering my thoughts
behind
closed windows;
Moths
banging against the glass,
desperate to be free,
Only to die of exhaustion
on the window sill.

Slowly
very
slowly
I fought back:
Quit being so timid.
Quit being so scared.

Finding those who thought
my ideas
worth hearing,
I started opening up,
tentatively.
Ideas and thoughts
c r e e p i n g
toward the surface
like vines

Breaking down brick,
slipping into cracks
in the foundation,
striving to reach the sunlight.

They see the sunlight now.
The thoughts find their way out
More confidently than before,
Less afraid of what others
may think,
may say.

But.

But.

There are still
too many times:
Shrinking away from conflict
Refusing to engage
Creeping back into myself.

I let others down.

I let myself down.

It's easy to hide.
I have that luxury.

I keep trying.
Too many people are hurting.
I can't keep silent.
I can't keep
being
a
coward.